My Heart Will Ache On
by DalDal1
Summary: This takes place after Rose is rescued. Rose must live with her aunt in New York while trying to get back on her feet. She promised Jack that she'd go on, but she just can't. Her life completely flipflops when she finds out Cal has survived.Please Review!
1. That Fateful Night

MY HEART WILL ACHE ON

Prologue: That Fateful Night

I sobbed as the tears froze on my face. I was deathly cold, as cold as if I were in the very iceberg that destroyed the ship. I was wet, cold, and miserable. I was probably going to die. None of that mattered to me.

I looked at the ruins of the ship. A few screams in the distance were heard. Thoughts raced in my head about what had occurred. Just an hour ago, I was on the unsinkable ship. Just an hour ago, I couldn't possibly imagine any of this. Just an hour ago, Jack was alive.

Yes I had been rescued. I guess some would say I should be grateful. Even though I tried, I just couldn't. I know that I promised Jack that I would go on, but I couldn't keep that promise. Tears streamed down my cheeks. I cried for not only those who died, but for those who lived. Many were now widows or orphans. Many others were sick from the cold air.

Through all of me tears, I didn't notice how the sun was almost rising. I had been on this lifeboat for a few hours crying.

"I see a boat! I see a boat!" One man on my boat called out.

"Rose! Rose, did you hear me? Rose, there- there's a lifeboat! Rose?" The same man yelled. I managed a faint smile.

We were rescued on a ship, where I spent the entire time sitting at a table wondering who else had been rescued from the waters and how many had perished. "I'd like another scotch, please." There I was drinking my heart out, my broken heart.

Three days later, our ship was greeted by many people in New York harbor. I'd say mostly relatives and news people. Among the crowd was my Aunt Lily, my grouchy, old, rich aunt who lived in New York.

I pushed through crowds of reporters as I headed to Aunt Lily.

I hugged her, but she pulled away. "I'm glad that you survived, but you look terrible." She said plainly. I could hardly walk strait, being that I was still in a hangover. Aunt Lily and I boarded a train.

"I can't believe that I'm being seen with you. You're hair and dress are an embarrassment." My head was already filled with too many emotions to be mad at her. Instead, I sighed again thinking of Jack.

"So, this is our stop. My chauffer is picking me up." We walked off the train and found my aunt's chauffer.

I climbed into the Model-T automobile. It moved about as fast as a horse and buggy, but was much bumpier, and much smellier. "So, how did you know that I'd be on the boat?" I asked making conversation.

"The news said that the Jones Star picked up many survivors and that it was docking in New York. Every time the paper will report of survivors I'd come to see if one of them was you. Now, did your fiancé, Caledon survive?"

"I'm not sure."

"If he did survive, I'm sure that we can find him so you two will get married. Come on, Rider we don't have all day!" Aunt Lily shouted to the driver.

"Actually, I theoretically called the engagement off before the ship sank." I said bracing myself for Aunt Lily's response. She stared at me.

"You called it off? But we planned the most elegant wedding here for you. It cost us a pretty penny. Now for what reason did you call it off? Did you wish for someone better than you? Did you, Rose?" She persisted.

"No, I didn't need to wish for someone better because I had found him. His name is Jack. Jack Dawson. For the weeks that I was with him, I was happy. Much happier than Cal could ever make me." Tears rolled down my cheeks.

"Control yourself young lady! Now, did this gentleman as you describe him survive?" I started sobbing uncontrollably.

"No. He did not, but he did survive in my heart. I knew that he loved me. We both loved each other unconditionally."

"Well, that's good news. If Caledon did survive, you can marry him." I looked my Aunt Lily strait in the eye.

"No. I will not marry him. Cal made me miserable. Jack taught me true love and happiness. If he did survive I will see him only to spit in his face. If I marry him Jack's death would have been in vain." Aunt Lily pursed her lips.

"Do you not love Caledon?" She asked.

"Yes!" Aunt Lily raised her eyebrows.

"I mean yes, ma'am. I do not under any circumstances love him. That will never change. Now if you don't mind, I'd like to finish this conversation." I wiped the tears from my eyes.

"You don't have to love him. I'll be checking the paper and I will look for him. I personally hope he survives. He'll make you forget about this- this Jake man you talk about."

"Jack." I interrupted.

"Yes, this Jack. But this Jack obviously is not a good man. He taught you disrespect and disobedience. I believe that the Lord did the right thing taking him from us." I bit my tongue. How dare she! As we arrived in at her countryside Victorian Mansion I was certain about one thing: I had dislike Aunt Lily in the pass, but now I hated her. No, not hated, loathed her.

"Ladies." The chauffeur opened the door and tipped his hat. Aunt Lily shoved a quarter in his face.

"Here's your pay. What are you waiting for? You have your pay. Leave. Leave! Leave, Rider." Aunt Lily barked nastilly. I glared at Aunt Lily. It was apparent we weren't going to get along, that was a fact.


	2. What Jack Would Want

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Chapter 2: What Jack Would Have Wanted

Aunt Lily generously gave me her old nightgown to wear to bed. It smelled musty and was way too large for me. "Let me lead you to your bedroom, Rose." She showed me up the stairs to the attic.

Here she was living in a Victorian mansion with umpteen large elaborate rooms and she gave me the attic! "Thank you." I took my candle-lit lamp and put it on my nightstand and lay down on the broken bed she gave me.

What was wrong with this lady? I knew that she was my aunt and to think that is improper, but still! I sneezed. The attic was cold, obviously not as cold as the night the Titanic sunk, but very cold, nonetheless.

I drifted off to sleep. I kept dreaming of the ship. Of course those dreams turned into dreams of Jack. Those dreams always ended with Cal marrying me with Aunt Lily laughing cruelly. I shuttered.

I picked up my lamp and headed downstairs down the creaking steps. I found some candles in the study and walked to the backyard. I used my lamp to ignite a flame on the candle.

"This is for you Jack." I set the candle down on the grass, filled my mind with memories of Jack, and wept and wept until sunrise.

"Rose. There you are." It was just the woman I wanted to see.

"Come on in! Oh my goodness you got the nightgown I gave you dirty! You also used one of my candles. Come on in. Breakfast is served." She blew out Jack's candle, then smiled. I glared at her as I followed my aunt into the kitchen.

"Lucy, where is the honey to go with my tea?" Aunt Lily screamed to one of her servants.

"Sorry ma'am we ran out of honey." Aunt Lily pursed her lips. The servant's face turned a ghostly white.

"Pay cut for the next two months." I glared at that stingy old monster. After breakfast was over, Aunt Lily took her needlepoint into the living room while we listened to the radio. Of course, the main subject was the Titanic.

"Another ship of survivors will be docking in Boston Harbor today. This is the last ship of survivors. Still, the Unsinkable ship sank! I guess those rich fools learned a lesson." I turned off the radio. Was this a joke? Would people make jokes and songs about the unsinkable ship?

"Turn that radio back on, Rose." Aunt Lily demanded. I walked and reluctantly listened to the remainder of the Titanic broadcast. Could she not see that I was still in pain from everything that had happened?

I had to endure Aunt Lily taunting me all day long. Everything turned into her bringing up the Titanic. The anger swelled in my chest and eventually, I couldn't take it. "Just stop it!" She raised her eyebrows, but I just stomped off to the attic.

It was a long day which turned into an even longer week. It was a Saturday and Aunt Lily had returned from her trip to town. "Oh Rose, I have a surprise for you." What could that surprise be? I knew better not to expect anything good.

"Hello, Rose." A familiar cold voice said. I screamed. It was Cal.

"Good gracious Rose, do you believe that Caledon will take you back if you act like that?" Aunt Lily said.

"Take me back?" I gulped.

"Rose, I know that I behaved poorly with Jack and all. I'm very sorry about that. I know that Jack is out of our way and that you are done grieving for him. Rose, I'd like to ask you once again to take your hand in marriage." Did he have no sense whatsoever?

"I'm sorry, but I have to-" Aunt Lily interrupted me.

"She graciously accepts." I felt like slapping her. I believe that I should have at least some say in who I'd spend the rest of my life with.

"No, I do not accept you insensitive wretch! I have not finished grieving for Jack at all. Go away! I never want to see you again."

"But Jack is out of our way now. You didn't want my because of Jack. Now there is no Jack. What has changed since I first met you, before the Titanic. We were in love Rose. You cannot debate that." Cal started.

"No, we were not in love. Jack showed me that. He taught me that I had not be miserable the rest of my life. I can't believe that just over a week after the love of my life died that you're bombarding me with questions of love." Aunt Lily was furious.

"Well, Rose, I see that you've made your choice and I accept that. Just realize that you'll never get me back."

"Just leave!" He stared angrily at me, but forced a smile to my Aunt Lily.

"Aunt Lily, you searched for him. I'm sure that you convinced him to take me back. Well, I don't care what you do, I'll never marry him. Never, ever, ever! If you don't mind, I'm going to the attic which you selfishly gave me as my room." I stomped off to the attic.

Aunt Lily followed me. "Rose, you just ruined the best man that girl with looks like yours could possibly get. I'll give you a day to reconsider. You will beg him for his love back. If you do not do this, than you're on your feet and leaving this house."

Aunt Lily was blackmailing me! My own aunt would force me on the streets with nothing after all that I had recently been through just because I wouldn't marry Cal! I headed downstairs for dinner, avoiding Aunt Lily as much as possible.

"I still don't see why you are so persistent to not marrying Caledon. He's a nice, dark man and is rather handsome."

"You do not understand this at all, do you? I've seen the dark side of Cal; I'm glad because I know now that I would not have been happy with Cal. To marry him, would be an insult to Jack's memory."

"What is it about this Jack? He's dead. He's gone!" I stared at Aunt Lily.

"Yes, but he will forever live in my heart. Thank you for this lovely dinner. I'm going off to bed. I want to wake up early tomorrow and attend the church service honoring those who died in the Titanic. Good evening."

I walked off to bed and fell asleep a lot quicker than I had in the past few days. _In my dream, I was on the streets in the city. I was in that nightgown Aunt Lily gave me and was coughing up a storm._

"_Rose, Rose, look what you have done to yourself." _

"_Who is this?" I asked. _

"_Do you not remember me? I thought you promised to live on. This is what you do? Wallow in self-pity. Is that how you honor me? You were chosen to live for a reason. Through your life do I live. You have disappointed me." It was Jack._

"_No, no, I just don't want to marry Cal. You understand. This was the only way."_

"_Have you become completely insane? I want you to be happy. Obviously you are not. I can see that." He walked away._

"_Jack! Jack!" _

"Rose, what is that dreadful screaming." It was a dream. Aunt Lily was standing by my had come to me in a dream.

"Jack wanted me to marry Cal." I told Aunt Lily. She smiled triumphantly.

"Of course he does Rose. Even he knows that marrying Cal is the best option. Now, would you like to call Caledon and apologize."

Had Jack really asked me to marry Cal? No, impossible. He pointed out how unhappy he'd make me. He wanted me to be happy, and I obviously wasn't happy in my dream. But would marrying Cal really make me any happier?

I called Cal and decided I'd do what Jack told me. I sighed. I couldn't do this.


	3. Déjà vu All Over Again

Chapter 3: Déjà Vu All Over Again

"Hello. Who is this?" I took a deep breath. You can do this Rose, you have to. "Hello Cal. This is Rose."

"Oh, hello Rose." He said plainly. "I- I've thought about your offer of marriage and I've decided that I was wrong before when I declined it. I do love you. I realize that now." Cal screamed a swearword after my name. "Rose. I gave you the option. You refused. I told you that the offer would not be extended again. I'm quite sure that you understand the significance of what I said, Rose. I'm not going to allow you to play games with me. I'm not here for your sick enjoyment of destroying men."

"I'm not trying to play games with you or anything like that. I know it's hard to believe but I could explain! I was still upset about Jack's death. You must understand how I was feeling- what I was going through. Please look inside your heart and forgive me. Remember us before the Titanic and before Jack. We were in love! You cannot tell me that you didn't enjoy those times. Remember that vacation we went on to the countryside-"

"Rose, Rose you have to learn that you can't keep going back on your word."

" If you can find it in your heart to forgive me, I'll forgive you about your shrewd behavior on the Titanic towards me _and _Jack. Please, Cal, please." I paused.

" Rose, how can I trust you? But since you're begging me and I believe this to be sincere, I'll accept your apology. Do not go back on this word for I will not extend my kindness any longer. Goodbye for now Rose. I shall to visit you soon." I hung up the telephone. I was engaged to Cal- again. I had been through a lot and realized what a jerk he could be and yet I begged him back. I literally begged for this man that I swore I hated to take me back. Déjà Vu.

Well at least my Aunt Lily would be happy. That's good news because I certainly wasn't. I headed downstairs.

"Yes, Rose." I forced a smile. "Well, I have good news for you. I'm marrying Cal. I apologized to him. I have to say that you were right, he is a good man. We are now engaged."

"Caledon forgave you. I can't believe that he'd do that for you. You do not deserve his forgiveness. I for one wish to speak to him about his decision and ask him to reconsider. Either way, he must be a really special man if he's doing this for someone like you. I mean if it were a beautiful and elegant young lady then I'd understand his choice-"

"I thought that you would be happy that I'm marrying him! I did this for you!" I exclaimed. I wasn't about to mention Jack to her again. Jack was her favorite torture device for me.

Still, why wasn't she happy or at least why didn't she extend her warm wishes to me? I mean, I was marrying a man that I wasn't sure I loved and the one who pressured me into it was upset about it!

"I would've been happy if you had accepted his proposal. Instead, you begged him back. Do you know what an embarrassment this is to our family?" Aunt Lily put her knitting down. "Well, I suppose that since you have come around that I should start planning your wedding. Call him on my telephone. I'll send Rider to pick him up." I realized that pleasing this woman was an impossible task.

_Now look what you've done, Rose. You ruined your own life! Just because Jack tells you something in a dream, you marry a man you don't love?! Nice going. _I thought. As much as I tried to quiet those thoughts down, I just couldn't. I was in a major emotional crisis, one that I certainly wouldn't get over any time soon.

Hey come on Rose, he's not that bad! I mean he's a well respected gentleman, handsome, and has somewhat of a heart. Maybe Jack knows this and all of this is happening for a reason. I kept trying to convince myself that I'd like marrying Cal. No matter how convincing my arguments were, that ugly voice in the back of my head kept telling me that I was ruining my life.

It was three days later. Cal was due to arrive at Aunt Lily's at any moment. We had went into the city, and she had bought me the most elegant dress just for this day. It was a lavender dress with lace and long sleeves made of silk. It cost my Aunt Lily almost fifty dollars! Maybe this was her way of showing me that she loved me…

There was a knock at the door. "Hello." It was Cal. "Hello, Caledon. So are you ready for May 2nd?" I shut the door.

"May 2nd?" Aunt Lily was shocked that he didn't know what May 2nd was. "May 2nd, as in your wedding day. I have just arranged that." That was my Aunt Lily for you, taking matters into her own hands. "Ah, yes but of course." That was soon. I thought as we headed into the dining room.

As we ate diner, Aunt Lily bombarded Cal with questions. "Where are you two going to live after the wedding?" or "How much money do you currently make." I was rather shocked by some of those.

"Well goodnight, my dear." Aunt Lily showed Cal to his guestroom: a master suite while I head up to mine: the attic. I sat down on my bed and thought. I thought about the wedding, Aunt Lily, and Jack.

Well, I guess Jack wanted this so I should marry Cal and have absolutely no reservations about it. Besides, I was getting married in three weeks from now!

I went to sleep. This was the first night that the Titanic or Jack weren't in any of my dreams. Was I starting to get over Jack? No Rose. You'll never get over Jack. That's why you're marrying Cal.

I didn't think of Jack until a few days later when Caledon's parents came to meet my Aunt Lily.


	4. A Chip Off the Old Block

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Chapter 4: A Chip Off the Block

"Hello Rose, pleasure to see you." Cal's father shook my hand. Cal definitely looked like his father. You could see the resemblance, with the hair and eyes. His mother, on the other hand loked nothing like him, with her blond hair.

She stared at me quizzically. "Are you not the one who broke my son's heart? He wrote us that you broke off the engagement." Cal's parents were over for lunch at my Aunt Lily's. This was only my second time meeting them ever.

"Well, yes, ma'am but we have sorted all of that out." Cal's mother frowned. "Very well then." Aunt Lily led us to her living room where her servants served us lemon bars and tea. Cal's father stared at me.

"This is what Rose looks like, still? I thought for sure that she'd come to her senses and at least try to look pretty." Oh great another Aunt Lily. I had to bite my tongue. Why did everyone keep saying that I was ugly? I knew that I definitely was not ugly. The worst part was that they acted as though I wasn't even in the room.

"So which church do you propose this wedding will be held?" Cal's mother asked. "Oh, I already arranged for it to be held at the St. John's Cathederal in the city."

"St. John's? Well we were hoping that the wedding would be held in England, at our church. The one that our family has been going to for over a hundred years." Aunt Lily gave them what I like to call her death glaze. "Very well then, I'm sure that we'll have plenty of time to talk about the location."

"You have until May 2nd." I covered my mouth. "Rose, excuse yourself. You were not spoken to, yet you believe that you shall be part of the conversation. I'm very sorry." Cal's parents looked at each other. "May 2nd? That's quite soon. Well then, I'm sure St. John's is a lovely church and will be a very fine place for their wedding."

When Cal's parents left I could tell that they weren't very found of my Aunt Lily, then again I can't recall anyone who did meet her that was fond of her.

At least my parents would be coming soon. When they heard of my survival, they boarded a ship to New York even though my mother was nervous about ships now. They should arrive two weeks before my wedding.

I sighed and wondered what would happen if they ever found out about Jack. Cal promised that he'd keep it a secret, but as I learned not too long ago on a certain ship that he may, and was subject to, change his mind. Oh Jack. I sighed.

I had been too caught up in the wedding to even think about him recently. Was I forgetting him? No. I would never, could never forget Jack. No matter how many gentlemen I met or fell in love with, Jack would always be my true love. Always no matter what. That was certain and an undebatable matter.

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My parents were arriving today. Two weeks had gone by and Rider was taking me to the pier to greet them. I was bored so I started to talk to Rider.

"Rider, I don't mean to get too into you're business, but I must ask: do you hate my Aunt Lily?" Rider stared at me in shock. "I do not believe that is an appropriate question to ask me. I work for your aunt and I am in no position, nor would it be proper, for me to answer that queston, Rose."

"Very well then, my apologies." I said. "Wait, did she happen to ask you to ask me this question?" I shook my head. "Rose, she is a very strict woman as we both know, but I do believe she's lonely. She is very glad that you are living with her." Glad? She sure did have a strange way of showing how glad she was. "She's glad?"

"Rose, she is too proud to admit that to you." I didn't believe this. How would her chauffeur know any of this? "Rose, she seems happier now, now that you are here and came to live with her."

"She threatened me off to the streets!" Rider shook his head. "Rose, that was just a threat. She would never do that to you. She wanted you to do what she says. She is a little bit of a control freak. I believe that is because she barely has a handle on her own life." He sighed and I thought for a moment.

"Rider, you seem to know a lot about her." He hesitated. "Of course I do. After all, I have been her driver for a very long ten years. Now remember Rose, do not mention a word of this conversation to your aunt. I for one don't even know why I said half the things I did."

I knew that there was something he wasn't telling me. "Oh, um here we are, miss." He opened the door as I walked out on the pier and waited for my parents' ship.

When they were let out of the ship, I looked for them. There was my father, with the tall brown top hat. Next to him was my mother.

"Rose, we are so very glad that you are alright." I smiled. "Well, Cal and I are getting married May 2nd." My mother dropped her luggage.

"Why so soon? I mean with the disaster and all…" I picked up her bags. "Aunt Lily." That was all that I had to say. My mother new Aunt Lily too well. I led them to Aunt Lily's car. "No, I'll get it." Rider lifted my parent's bags and opened the car door for us.

We arrived back to Aunt Lily's home and Aunt Lily had a huge feast prepared for us, Cal, and his parents. I knew that she was trying to impress everybody. Maybe Rider was right about Aunt Lily. Maybe she _was _a lonely woman who was practically dying to impress company at any chance that she had.

Maybe to her, Cal was the best option, not just a torture device. To her Cal and I getting married was in my best interest. Maybe Aunt Lily did know something about love even though I think of her as a beast incapable of love. Maybe marrying Cal would be the best thing that ever happened to me.


	5. Reservations at the Reception

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Chapter 5: Reservations at the Reception

"Rose!" It was my childhood friend Molly. This was our first time seeing each other since I left England for the Titanic. She had come here for my wedding.

We were at my Aunt Lily's house. It was the evening before my wedding, and she held a grand dinner reception for all of the 566 guests that were invited. No, I don't know that many people, but my parents were in the upper-class society of England and had to invite their many friends and English nobles.

"You know, I always hated Cal. I thought he was too self-absorbed, I still do, but I think he'll make a very fine husband for you. I now realize that you two would make the perfect couple." I didn't know what to say. "Uh, thank you?" We laughed and she asked me to follow her down an uncrowded hallway.

"Rose, are you sure that this is what you want? I'm asking this as your friend. You never seemed too fond of Cal and well…" Molly trailed off. "All of that has changed now. The Titanic made me realize that. When he was gone, I missed him…"

"By gone, you mean, not seeing him for a few days, if I'm not mistaking?" Molly questioned. She may have been my closest friend, and she was just trying to do what was best for me, but she always made me tell her what I wasn't telling her by being rather annoying.

"Yes, that's exactly what I meant…" She stared at me. I couldn't lie to her. "Okay, I broke it off with him because I was having my doubts about our relationship!" I exclaimed.

"Why?" I stared at her. "I didn't feel- I met another- it doesn't matter! This isn't any of your business, even if you are my friend. The important thing is that we are back together."

"Met another, who? What is this gentleman's name?" I wanted to tell her to shut her potato trap. "He, well it doesn't matter, we can never be."Molly was about to question on, but I glared at her.

"Rose, I'm sorry. I am just trying to help you. Well, I will arrive early in the morning tomorrow. Get some sleep tonight." I could tell that Molly was thinking of ways for me to tell her the whole story, but I didn't care. Jack was nobody's business.

_Rose, by not talking about Jack, you're trying to hide something. You know you wanted him,you know that you are not yet over him, you know that you're second guessing Cal._ Oh shut it! I told myself. _You're avoiding him again,Rose._

Why was I having so many doubts? I would be getting married tomorrow. I already established the fact that I loved him. _Rose, you were rushed into marrying him, were you not? I mean this wasn't what one would call a long engagement. You aren't debating that, are you? _What was wrong with me?

"Rose, there you are! A gentleman from London would like to meet you." It was my mother. "I'm feeling a little sick, I think I'll head off to bed." My mother nodded. "Rose, I felt the same way before I married my father. It's just the pre-wedding nerves. I think it would do you best to get some rest."

"What about the guests?" I asked. "They can survive without you, darling." She escorted my up the stairs and to the attic.

"Rose, your father and I believe that you and Cal are perfect together. Besides, he's a wealthy man who can support you, he's quite handsome, and is charming, and a real gentleman. Could you think of a better man?" _Jack._ Be quiet! _You're avoiding him again. _Shut up! I yelled to my thoughts. Wow. I must have been going completely crazy.

"If you need anything let me know." My mother wished my goodnight and headed back downstairs. I changed into my nightgown and crawled into bed.

I was exhausted from everything that had happened that day. All of the last minute preparations went into affect and of course Aunt Lily kept telling me that I should have lost more weight. I sighed as I drifted off to sleep.

"Wake up, the wedding is in five minutes!" Molly shook me and handed me my wedding gown. "Hurry up! All of the guests are there. Hurry along, Rose!" I hopped into Rider's automobile and he drove me to the church. I ran inside and reached the entrance of the chapel. Made it just in time!

I was walking down the aisle in my elegant gown. I was seconds away from kissing Cal, when I looked at the groom. The only thing was the groom wasn't Cal, it was Jack. "Jack, what are you doing here? Jack?" He stared at me and said nothing.

"Jack, Jack? Say something! I love you! Jack!" I screamed out. Jack tilted his head toward the audience.

They weren't the guests from the wedding dinner the previous night, yet they looked somewhat familiar. Who were they? Think, Rose, think! There was a woman with her two children. Definitely poor. There was a group of men. I had no idea who any of these people were until I noticed Captain Smith, captain of the Titanic. He was sitting next to the man who designed the ship.

"Oh my God! I screamed. The room was full of everyone who had perished in the Titanic. "This, no, what happened to all of the guests, my family?" I frantically turned to Jack, but he remained silent. This is not normal. "Jack, explain this to me! Please, are you upset, are you trying to warn me about something?"

"Jack!" He slowly disappeared. "JACK!" I woke up in a cold sweat. It was just a dream.

What on Earth was that all about? Was Jack giving me his best wishes before my wedding, was he trying to send me a message, am I going insane?

"Rose, it's your wedding day." Molly and my mother had come into the attic without me noticing. "Oh, right." For real this time.

"Let me get your wedding gown." My mother headed downstairs.

"Molly, I figured it out. I'm going to die." Molly stared at me. "Die? Cal is not that bad." I shook my head. "No, not die, but if I marry Cal, Jack will die away."

"Jack?" Molly frowned. "I think you were just dreaming."

"Yeah, bad dream…" I trailed off. "If I were forced to marry Cal, I would have nightmares, too." I stood up.

"I'm not being _forced_ to marry him, I love him." My mother came into the attic with my gown. "Go ahead, put it on." I took off my nightgown and slipped on my dress. Maybe Aunt Lily was right, I could do with some weight loss.

"Rose, I'd like you to wear my pearl earrings. I always promised them to you, and I think now would be an appropriate time to give them to you." My mother handed me her favorite necklace. "Thank you."

"We have to head into town to get your permanent." My mother reminded me. "Right, we'd better not be late."

"That's right, your Aunt Lily paid a good nine-hundred dollars for this permanent. Many women would love to have this opportunity on their wedding day."

Maybe Rider was right, Aunt Lily did care about me.

Molly and I headed to the salon to get my permanent. To tell you the truth, the permanent hurt and I think it made me look like a lion.

I arrived at the church and prepared myself for the wedding.

"Aunt Rose! Aunt Rose!" It was Agatha and Laura, my younger cousins. They were twelve and ten and they would carry my ten foot long train.

"Hello." They smiled at me. "Are you ready?" Agatha asked. "Yes, of course. I'm excited." I sat down on a chair and they helped me put on my veil.

"May I use your veil when I get married?" Laura asked. "I suppose so." I heard my music. _This is it._ I told myself.


	6. Wedding Woes

Chapter 6: Wedding Woes

I started down the aisle to the music of the church organ. I noticed that Agatha and Laura were dragging my train on the floor, but I didn't care. I looked at Cal. He had a vacant expression on his face.

I was about a foot away from Cal when the preacher started the marriage vows. I trailed off in thought about how my life would change in a few minutes until I heard the words, "Do you Caledon Hockley take Rose DeWitt Bukater as your lawfully wedded wife in sickness and in health?"

"I do." Cal had an arrogant expression on his face as if to say, "Yes, I got the woman. Ha!" Was this the man that I wanted to be with for the rest of my life? I could live to be ninety or even a hundred for all I knew! "…take Caledon Hockley as your lawfully wedded husband in sickness and in health?"

I sighed. "I do- not!" All of the guests mumbled amongst themselves. That mumbling turned into a loud fit of screaming, arguing, and shouting. I could hear my name being said in disgust many times.

"Funny Rose, seriously. You got your shock from your guests now marry me." Cal's face turned a bright shade of red. "No. I can't live with you. I know that I can't wake up everyday and see your face. I believe that I am sparing both of us much pain later on." Cal looked as though he were about to explode. "You are telling me this now?"

The preacher looked as though he were about to faint and the guests talked louder and louder. I avoided the front row on purpose, for I did not wish to see the looks of my mother or Aunt Lily. "I wish to speak with Rose alone if that is alright." The preacher nodded. "Just one moment, please." Cal grabbed me by my arms and took me outside.

"Rose! You- I- you said-" I shuddered. Cal looked as though he were about to explode. That gentleman part of him was now replaced by an angry monster. I'm not saying that he didn't have a right to be angry, but he was scaring me. When Cal was angry you didn't want to be in the same _city_ as him! Unfortunetly for me, I was right next to him.

Cal took a deep breath and grabbed my left arm tightly. "You promised me that you were done with these games!" I looked down. "Yes, but-" Cal slapped me across the face. "But what? You humiliated me!" He screamed. "Are you afraid?"

I looked Cal strait in the eye. "I am not afraid, dammit!" Cal stared at me in shock. "That's right, go to hell Cal, go to hell!" The feeling of happiness swept across me. I was finally standing up to Cal and telling him what I thought. If I was smart, I would've feared him and would not have done this, but I wasn't smart at that moment and I'm happy that I wasn't.

"GO TO HELL, DAMN YOU!" Cal grabbed both of my arms and started kicking me. "Don't you dare talk to me that way!" I struggled. "Stop it, you bastard!" I was mad but happy at the same time.

I heard the footsteps. "Stop it!" The entrance doors of the church opened. It was the preacher. "Are you okay, Cal?"

"Yes, I was just having a friendly talk with Rose." Friendly? "What, no he slapped me, he-" The preacher interrupted me. "Rose, I believe that you should go home. You are no longer worthy of being in the presence of Cal or of attending this church! You do not realize the holiness of marriage!"

"I do understand the holiness, but this has nothing to do with that, I mean he slapped me!" The preacher acted as though he hadn't heard what I had just said.

"You'd better pray hard tonight, you had better!" Cal and the preacher went back inside the church.

I sat down on the dirty church lawn. It started to rain and the dirt turned to mud. My wedding gown now was muddy and had grass stains on it, my hair was ruined, and who knew how my family would react? I didn't try to go inside, dry off, and think things through. I just stayed on the lawn.

"Rose!" Molly finally called out. "Oh, Rose." She looked at me disapprovingly. "Rose, Rose, Rose." Molly shook her head.

"For goodness sakes, go change out of your gown! Go back to your Aunt Lily's house. I'll go fetch Rider. Stay right here."

Molly headed back into the church to find Rider. Two minutes later, Molly motioned me for Rider's car and I hopped in.

"Rider, please drive me to my Aunt Lily's house." Rider paused. "As soon as Aunt Lily comes. We're waiting for her." Not good. "Why?" I asked. "She would like to have a talk with you." Aunt Lily came out of the church, and sat next to Molly in the car.

She remained silent until we reached her home. Her silence was worse than her yelling or her lectures.

"Molly, I'd appreciate it if you would wait outside my house. This is not an option, but a command." Aunt Lily opened the door to her house and didn't spare a minute before yelling at me.

"Rose, you managed to convince Cal to marry you. You, the ugliest shame in the entire world. You call yourself a lady? You are a pitiful wench! I paid much for this wedding and this is how you thank me? You are the saddest disappointment ever! You are not only ugly and inconsiderate but a-" I cut her off.

"Enough of this! Don't you ever think about anyone but yourself? This was going to be my wedding! How do you think I'm feeling right now? Do you even care? Of course you don't. You're just a grouchy old lady who everyone hates! That is a fact and you know it! Now wonder nobody loves you." I screamed.

"How dare you! I took you in out of the goodness of my heart. I gave you shelter, food, and happiness."

"Shelter, yes of course that musty old attic! Food, laboring your servants extra-hard to prepare me a meal made from the cheapest ingredients because you are a stingy old lady. As for happiness, I would be happy right now had you not fored me to marry Cal! This is your fault. All of this is!"

"Get out of my home!" Aunt Lily said. "Gladly." I ran up to the attic, grabbed my stuff, and headed down the stairs to the third floor. I walked by Aunt Lily's room. Who knows how much money she has? I thought.

I crept inside and looked through her drawers. Ooh! Aunt Lily's diamond necklace! This must be worth just as much as the diamond necklace Cal gave me. I found some money and stuffed it into my bag.

_Since you're here you might as well take some of her jewelry. Come on Rose, she got you into this mess in the first place. If she hadn't pressured you into marrying Cal…_I looked around and grabbed all of her jewelry and pins and rushed downstairs, slammed the door and rushed outside onto her front yard.

"Rose?" Molly followed me to Aunt Lily's car. I said nothing but, "Drive Rider! I don't care where, just as far as you possibly can. Anywhere! I'll pay you extra, just hurry!" I knew I was being impolite and impulsive, but I didn't care at that moment.

"Rose, do not leave your Aunt Lily's house. Your aunt _will _miss you. She may be mad at you, but-" I cut Rider off. "I don't care."

"Very well then." Rider drove off.

"Rose, are you out of your mind?" Molly asked. "You could say that." Molly shook her head. "Rose, where are you planning to go? Where will you live? Why didn't you think any of this out?"

"I do not need any time to think this out. What I am doing is improper, and perhaps one would call it immoral, but it is necessary for me." I answered.

"Rose, running away from a broken love will only make this situation worse for you." Rider said. "Did you have a true love?" Molly asked.

"Yes. It was many years ago. Twenty-two years, three months, and two weeks before we broke it off. I was but thirty-two years of age. My father had just died and left me his fortune. I was in a high-class café, and who should I meet but a recent widow."

Rider paused. I knew that talking about this was hard for him. "We talked to each other. Both of us were coming from the same situation. Eventually, she introduced me to her family. One member who stood out in particular was her niece about your age. Her name was Ruth. That's right Rose, your mother. The woman I met was Aunt Lily." Rider was once in love with my Aunt Lily?

"What happened?" I asked. "I had proposed to her. That night, she started with her wedding plans. You know how she is. That night, I gave a quick excuse, I don't' even remember what it was, and left her. I know that what I did that night would change me forever." Rider sighed.

"I left for Philadelphia the very next morning. I was feeling extremely depressed. I spent most of my father's wealth on drinks and cigars. The cigars and drinks did not make me feel better as I would have thought. Eventually, a year later I headed back to Lily's house. I there found her with another man, Henry. I went to her wedding and didn't see her for nineteen more years." Rider paused.

"Your Aunt was very rich and owned one of the first automobiles. I apologized for running away. Lily forgave me, but we could never be together for she had met another man. I couldn't stand to be away from her any longer. I begged her for a job as her chauffeur. I stayed with her when Henry died. I helped her through the death of her only son." Rider looked as though he were about to cry. But, he held in his tears.

"If you don't mind me asking, why did you not take her back?" I asked. Molly was shocked that I asked such a question, but Rider didn't seem to mind. "It oculd never be the same between us. The point of this is that if you want things t remain comfortable and tolerable between you and Cal…"

"I don't, for that I am sure." I interrupted. Not one of us said anything for the rest of the ride. Rider filled up the car three times before dropping me off in Northern New York State. "I'm afraid that I'll have to leave you here."

"Do you need anything before I leave?" Rider asked. "No. Thank you both for coming with me and thank you Mr. Rider for driving me. I'll find a home somewhere here. I shall write to you Molly, when I do. I wish you the best."

"Rose, I am not leaving until I am sure that you have found a decent place." Molly was determined and there was no arguing with her.

"Thank you, Molly." I said. "Well Rose, I hope to hear from you soon. Best wishes and goodbye." I took a hundred dollars and handed it to Rider. "Rose, this is too much money. I cannot possibly accept it."

"Please, you did me a huge favor." I forced the money into Rider's hands. "Goodbye Rose." Rider drove away.

"Rose, I have a friend who lives about ten miles from here. We can stay with her and search for a home tomorrow."

"Rose, please tell me, why did you break it off with al on your wedding? In front of everyone." I sighed. I really didn't feel like discussing the wedding right now. "I didn't feel that we could live together. Aunt Lily forced me to marry him, but I couldn't do it. I couldn't live with the fact that every day I'd see his ugly face!"

Molly laughed. "This is not a laughing matter!" I exclaimed. We arrived at Molly's friend's house by midnight. It was a tiny single-story house with no servants tending it. However, she welcomed me graciously into her home.

"Hello Rose. My name is Anna. I welcome you to my humble home. There is not very much space, but we can make room." The best part about Anna was that she didn't ask one question about Cal.

Anna promised to help me search for a home in the upper-class part of town the next morning. I had to share a room with Molly, but it wasn't much less room than the attic at Aunt Lily's house.

I fell asleep peacefully and had only one dream that night. That was of course, about Cal and our wedding.


	7. Too Much on my Plate

Chapter 7: Too Much on my Plate

I woke up the next morning. "I feel terrible." I moaned. My back was aching and I felt as though I had come down with some terrible illness. I was not used to sleeping in such uncomfortable spaces- oh yeah, Aunt Lily's attic.

"Are you okay, Rose?" Anna asked. "Yes, I'm quite fine thank you." I answered, though that was only half true. I was still upset and heartbroken and a lot of other emotions. I had way too much on my plate.

I turned around and noticed that Molly was still fast asleep. "Get yourself dressed and then come into the kitchen. I shall make you a cup of tea and some breakfast. Will that be okay?" Anna asked. "Yes, thank you very much."

I put on my darkest gray dress and headed into the kitchen. Anna stared at my dress, but didn't say anything. I sat down at the table and Molly came into the kitchen.

"How are you holding up, Rose?" Molly asked still in her nightgown. "Fine. Just fine. I had a dream about Cal. In that dream he was a bug and I stepped on him."

"Good for you." Molly said. "I don't mean to intrude on your personal business, but is this Cal really as bad as you make him seem?" Anna placed a thick slice of melon on my breakfast plate.

"Oh he is. I am truly excited that Rose finally had the sense to get rid of him." I looked down at my plate. I knew that I had made the right decision but I still had my doubts. I was still wondering what would have happened if I had married Cal.

"Eat up. Are you okay, Rose?" Anna said. "Yes. I'm fine. Thank you." I stared down at the melon on my plate. "Actually, I don't feel very well. I think I will take a walk."

"Oh, that should do you some good." I headed out the door and started down the street. _Just a few days ago your life was perfect, Rose. You had a house, a nice, dark man, and your family was happy. Why did you destroy that?_ I kicked a rock down the sidewalk. I noticed that it had made a scratch on my expensive shoes, but I didn't care.

If I really wasn't meant for Cal and I was so sure that what I did was the right thing, then why did I question and even regret my choice? Why was I doubting myself?

I walked past the young boys running around in the park and the women walking with their babies in carriages humming happy tunes. _Rose, everyone else is happy but you. You really ruined it for yourself this time._

I sighed and decided that it was about time to head back to Anna's house. I walked with my heart heavy and my head deep in thought.

I arrived back at Anna's house at eleven. "Did you have a pleasant walk?" Molly asked. "Yes. Yes I did, thank you."

"Rose, I know you too well. I know that there is something bothering you. I would ask you what it was, but I have a feeling that I know what is on your mind." Anna motioned for me to sit down.

"Maybe I did the wrong thing! My Aunt Lily hates me, my mother and father are probably furious, and Cal! If he sees me again…" I trailed off. "Listen to me, Rose. If you stayed with Cal you would have been miserable for the rest of your life. You did what was necessary." I nodded. "You are right."

I had no idea why I had shouted out my problems to a woman I had known for not even a day. She probably thought me to be insane.

"It is a lovely day outside. I think I will go shopping in town. Would you like to come with me? Anna, Rose?" Molly offered. "No thank you." We both said. "I will pick up something at the bakery if you would like." Molly headed out the door and I let loose.

I just started crying and I couldn't stop. "I've ruined my life. I've disgraced my entire family." I knew that I was making fool of myself but I couldn't stop. Okay, now Anna definitely thought me crazy!

"Rose, I have never met Cal, but from what I have heard he would not be a good man for you. You are kind, smart, and fair. Cal is just a good-looking rich man who is too cocky for his own good." I shook my head.

"I have ruined my life. How am I to get married now? I have gone through two gentlemen who I loved dearly. I am almost eighteen, yet have two broken hearts! I have a little bit more time left, but I don't know if I can love again."

"Oh Rose. You are independent. You've gone through two men, you say? But I think you are trying to tell yourself something."

"What?" I asked through my tears. "You do not need a man. You are perfectly fine on your own. You will be independent and you will find a home. You will be happy. Happier than if you had married Cal."

I didn't exactly agree with what she said. I needed a man. I needed to be loved. For some reason though, I did find comfort in her words. "But being single…"

"I am single and perfectly happy. My mother isn't, but I am and that is all that matters. Trust me." I nodded.

We sat in thought for the next few minutes until Molly stepped in the door with two loaves of bread and a sweet roll in her arms. "They are freshly baked. We can have them for lunch." Anna thanked her and I ate a slice of the warm bread. "Well Rose, this was baked fresh just this morning. I think you could use something to pick up your mood."

"Thanks." I sighed. "Oh Rose, your face is all red! You have been crying, haven't you?" I nodded. "Yes, I was crying, yes I'm upset, yes, it's about Cal! Okay? Now you know! I assume you're proud that you got me in tears, am I not mistaken?!" Anna and Molly stared at me. I took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry." I felt the anger die down inside me. "You know what?" Molly smiled. "What?" I asked glumly.

"I bet Cal is crying much harder than you. I bet he is even more upset than you. I know that right at this moment, he is screaming in agony saying, "Mama! Mama, Rose is gone! It's all my fault, I was such an idiot. Mommy!" Anna and Molly laughed and for the first time since I ran away from my wedding, I smiled.


	8. Living it Up

Chapter 8: Living it Up

"Come on now Rose, you look lovely. Stop fussing." Molly yelled as I brushed my hair. I would be heading into town to buy my own house.

"I want to look my best." I said. "Why?" Molly rolled her eyes. She didn't understand at all. "I want a discount, if you know what I mean." Molly blinked her eyes in as if she were confused. She wasn't exactly the brightest candle in the room.

"It's a male who's selling the houses. I'm single and I'm pretty." Molly stared at me blankly. "Look, there is something called a man. A man is attracted to a woman. When a man sees a pretty woman he feels an urge-" Anna started. "Alright, I get it now."

"You look lovely and I wish you the best of luck. I'll see you at supper, I suppose." Anna smiled as I put on my hat. "See you later."

I walked five miles to get to the next town. _There it is._ I stared at the house. It was a medium-sized one-story house painted in an odd shade of orange.

"You're not Mr. DeWitt Bukator." A man in a black suit came out of the house. "No. But I am Miss Rose Dewitt Buktor." I replied firmly.

"A woman buying a house on her own?" The man blew into his pipe which emitted a faint scent of vanilla. "It's been known to happen. Are you going to let me in so I can take a look at it or are you going to make me stand here?"

"Very well then." The man said reluctantly. I followed him into the house. "How much is it?" I asked. "10000"

I didn't know if I could afford that. I had taken a good deal of money from Aunt Lily but I had to keep in mind the expenses of food and living. I had to do what I set out to do: play this man's cards. Here goes nothing.

"I really can't afford that..." I smiled at him. "That's too bad." I winked at him. "You know, I really could use some help financially. I'll be living all on my own. Without a man." The man looked down at the floor.

"Well, I suppose that I can knock down the prices a little bit..." I smiled and walked closer to him. "That would be wonderful. I cannot express my gratitude enough." The man smiled. "I'm glad that I could help."

I walked back home to Anna's house. "So, did you buy a nice house?" Well, let's face it. I wasn't used to living in such small areas, but if I lived in Aunt Lily's attic I could live anywhere. "It is very lovely. I would love for you to come and visit once I settle in." Anna put a bowl of soup with bread on my plate. "I would love to."

"I am very glad for you, Rose. I am sorry that I will not be able to help you move in with me. But, I will be going back to England in two days. I bought the tickets last minute."

"Why?" In the past few days, I had grown accustom to seeing Molly all of the time. She cheered me up and well, when she was there with me at Anna's house, she was kind of like a support system for me.

"My parents want me to return home. They found a man that they want me to meet. But Rose, you will be fine on your own. Besides, I'm sure that Anna will be here if you ever need anything." Anna nodded. "Well, Molly, I'll miss you very much. I may move back to England in a few years, after I'm willing to go on another ship again."

"Perhaps someday, you'll be able to fly in one of those airplanes." I laughed. "Wouldn't that be something." When I headed off to bed, I thought to myself about Cal. _I'm sure that that Cal would be happy to know that I am doing fine on my own. I just bought myself a house and he's probably drowning himself in drinks._ I laughed out loud. My thoughts then turned to thoughts about Jack.

_Oh Jack, if only I had the oppurtunity to buy this house with you. Even, so this house will still be ours Jack. Yours and mine. _I smiled to myself and I knew that somewhere Jack was smiling too.

* * *

The next day, Anna helped me move into the house. She gave me some of her furniture that she didn't need and helped me arrange everything the exact way that I wanted it.

While we were moving in my possessions, Molly was packing for London. Her boat was leaving in the early morning of the next day and it would be an hours walk there since Anna did not have an automobile.

"Anna, you have no idea how much I owe you..." Anna smiled. "Think nothing of it. I am very lonely these days, seeing that I don't get visitors much often."

"Anna, you're a very kind and beuatiful woman. I think you need a man. You would be the woamn of every man's dreams." Anna placed a rug on my living room floor.

"Oh Rose, I have already told you how I feel of marriage and love. I am not against it, but it is not ofr me. I'm an independent woman and I don't want to be drawn to a needy man. If I will die single, I will die perfectly happy." I didn't get it. Why didn't she want to find a man? Ever since I was fourteen, I've wanted to find that perfect someone. When I found Jack, I found the truth about love. He completed me. It really is true. I felt things with him that I had never felt before. When you meet the perfect man, life is completely different.

"I do not mean to intrude on your personal life, but have you ever known love? Have you ever actually courted a man?" Anna sat down on my couch.

"Once. I was only sixteen, three years ago. We planned to get married. My parents strongly disapproved of the man, but I was young and... foolish. I ran away with him to the countryside. We were going to get married in a month. Everything was going perfectly until I woke up from my childish fantasy." Anna paused.

"What happened?" I asked. "He left me for another woman. They were having an affair throughout our courtship. I then realized that love is a waste of time. Love is not for all women. I strongly salute and support each woman who is willing to live her live to the fullest: a quite life without a man."

"You've spent long enough time without a man. Again, I do not mean to intrde upon your personal business, but you should really find yourself a man. You do not remember what you are missing." I thought to myself about Jack. When he left me, it tore a hole in my heart. Apparently, Anna had the same hole in her heart. A hole in your heart only get's bigger, not smaller. I didn't want her to go through with waht I was going through.


End file.
